April FirstAt three AM, I refreshed my inbox out of boredom. Youtube was boring, my sister was asleep, homework was pointless, the night was dull. My mind was drifting. I was thinking about nothing and everything. I was going to go to bed soon. I was going to wake up blank, like I had been for months…But…Your name. You’re name.My breath was forced out of me. I was stabbed by too many feelings at once. Your name, is in my inbox. We haven’t spoke in over five months…I’d convinced myself you weren’t real. I’d gone numb…In that moment, every scar you’d put on me was torn open again. I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking. I couldn’t see well enough to make sure this was really happening because of the tears. I couldn’t breathe.But I opened it. With shaking hands and blurred vision and choked breaths I opened that damn email.”I know. Iiii know. Surprised, right?”Damn righ
Winter's EmbraceThere was a time…When in winter, I would stand at my window, in the dark, at the early hours of the next day, and watch it snow. There’d be dark music playing in the background. Heavy lyrics that probably shouldn’t make much sense to me yet, but they did.As I’d stand there, I’d feel a strong, pulling longing that made me want to walk out of my house, around to the backyard, and lay down in it. Let the snow cover me. Let it caress me. I was always longing to have someone hold me…the snow could hold me. I could sink down in it and let it hold me tight in its death grip. I could finally get the satisfaction of being wrapped up in something.I wanted more than anything to lay in it until it was so cold, it burned. Cuddle into it until the burn burned so badly, I went numb. Wait and wait and wait until I was frozen. Until I could snap my frozen limbs off and still feel nothing but cold.There was a time when I was an empty shell with a tormented mind.
Help..."Please...will you help me?"......"No."